Next time I say all is perfect...

... please gag me with a sock!

Ok, first of all, the BF is gone. That's it for that. Back to square one!

Then, Angie, the mare I had a half lease on, has been put on foal duty and inconspicuously moved from the barn before I could even say goodbye (and before the end of my half lease term...dammit!). And since I had gained a tremendous amount of confidence riding her, I'm a bit anxious (being the queen of anxiety and all...) that my next ride won't make me feel as bold and confident as she used to. So here again, back to square one!

So today, I was introduced to Lexie. My first reaction: gorgeous!!! She was very sweet while I saddled her and I thought we would make a great team. Well, not so much...

First of all, a few minutes after my lesson started it started raining very hard, and a barn being a barn, full of creaks and squeeks and wistles when it's windy, Lexie started spooking. Real bad! I must admit, I'm just not used to that. I managed to stay in the saddle (my only achievement in today's lesson) but did not enjoy the feeling one bit. So I became nervous...

And from there downhill. The canter was awful, I held her way too tight because I wanted to be in control of the NEXT spook, and when Cynthia told be to let go of her mouth, I lenghtened the reins which made me feel even less "in control" but she just meant to keep a soft hand in contact, to stabilize my hands. And there I was, trying my best (as Lexie was doing probably) but making her more and more frustrated with me, which in turn made me more and more nervous. We were spiralling downwards uncontrollably... End of lesson, by coach decreet. And was it ok with me!!!

So to reconnect with the equine species, I spent a few minutes in awe, looking at a 6 days old Halflinger foal that was born last Monday. Soooo cute! She's in the video as well, right after a few seconds of how I look when my confidence has been shaken and when I ride a horse that doesn't appreciate my "technique" so much...

Well, Cynthia told me we were not a match made in heaven anyway, and next week, I'm going to have to try another horse on the school roster. I do miss Angie already, and Meeka too. But I'm going to keep my hear open for another horse, and see what he or she has to teach me. 

Lexie? She taught me horses aren't all equals, which is also true of men or women for that matter, and that you can't force some relationships if they're just not meant to be. 

Did I tell you the BF was gone? Well then, I rest my case.

My very first "obstacle" course

If "X"es and slightly elevated poles count as obstacles, then today I cantered my first course. 2 weeks ago, I hadn't even accepted the idea that maybe one day I would jump, 3 weeks ago I was scared of flying changes and found them very unsettling, plus the infamous canter issue everybody knows about...and voilà! All in the same minute or so, over and over and over. Woot Woot!!!

Thanks to Cynthia for pushing me, even when I'm scared, because she obviously believes in me more than I do (plus I could not dream of a better coach), to my devoted 10 years old camera crew, my son Guillaume, for his love and patience... And thanks to the lovely chestnut Angie, Queen of flying changes, for having a brain when I don't.

J-U-M-P-S !!!

I knew she had a plan, but I had no idea it would unfold that quick. Yes Ladies and Gentlemen of the blogosphere, Cynthia won the fight and I... JUMPED!

I guess I could have called this post "bragging session #3" but I thought it did not express exactly how I feel. In fact I don't event know IF there is a way to express the joy and gratitude that inhabits me nowadays. What a wonderful feeling to have things effortlessly fall into place (well, come to think of it, there WAS some effort involved before it became effortless...) What a great sensation comes along with pushing my boundaries, leaving aside my preconceptions about myself and to just believe, for a moment, that I can be way better than I ever gave myself credit for. 

I still can't believe it... I jumped! 

I am no Eric Lamaze yet, it was just an X, but it was still a jump. And I was on the horse (and remained on the horse which is itself is an accomplishment). I was solid in the saddle, was not shaken nor surprised by the following flying change, I even cantered a little victory lap, extatic, just like I had just won a gold medal for showjumping! Me! Of all people (well, at least those people who were afraid of cantering just 3 months ago!)

And that happened after 15 minutes of intense work to put the horse on the bit, then extensions and collections, shoulder-in, serpentines and flying changes. A year ago, I had to walk for a while after every 5 minutes of trot as I was so out of breath. Today, I did all of this with only 2-3 resting periods of a minute or so in an hour. Geez! Does that mean I'm becoming athletic???

Come to think of it, I think today I jumped more than an X. I think that on that very first leap, I left behind the idea that I could not possibly be young enough or good enough to be sporty. I think that in the arena dirt is now laying my misconception that I could not possibly be passionate about any sport, that it was just not for me, that my challenges had to be something "intellectual" or I could simply not perform. 

But hey! Not only am I now passionate about that SPORT called horse riding (and I know none of my readers will challenge me by saying the horse "does all the work") but I am looking forward to the next round, the next challenge, the next jump over my mental barriers.

Cheers everyone!