Well, it wasn't me after all...

When I got to the barn for monday's lesson, Meeka had just been served her hay and was going at it like there was no tomorrow. Your typical day in the life of a mare... So out of compassion (from one glutton to another) I decided to tack her in her box so she could continue grazing while I groomed and saddled her. Just trying to be nice, you know?

Then when I got to putting on her bit, she fiddled, tried to escape, tried to bite, abruptly turned around in her box to avoid my (now hesitating) hands, and there I was, trying to follow her shoulder in that box that now felt like as spatious as an airplane lavatory. So much for trying to be nice! But I must admit to having a farmer grandfather who shared so many horror stories about him and some cattle confined in a tight place that I am now nervous when I spend more than two milliseconds in a box already occupied by a horse, as friendly as it may be. But with the patient help from coach Cynthia, I finally got her ready and under control. 

Once in the arena, I laboured a little to get into the saddle. I was hesitant as I felt her a bit skittish and she's so tall and everything. But with a big lock of mane in one hand and the remainder of my self-confidence in the other, I finally hopped in the saddle, hoping this was not a preview of the class that was lying ahead. But it was... 

For the first time I really felt Meeka trying to evade. Her style: no rearing, no bucking, just plain stubbornness and constantly trying to run away from my leg. So she felt like a revved up Ferrari (not that I know what that feels like though...) ready to race for her dear life. Lucky for me I now feel much more comfortable with canter. Finally... ;-)

On the planning for today's lesson was something brand new: haunches in. Yikes! Well, the intention was there for my part, but maybe not the talent. I tried and tried again and ended up a bit harsh with my hands trying to compensate for what seemed to be totally ineffective legs. And after a while, I think I mentally gave up. Had I had a megaphone attached to my brain, you would have heard the likes of: " I'm such a lousy rider" or " This is way too difficult for me" or, my personal favorite, " Who am I kidding here? I'm obviously no athlete and this is way too technical for me. I should really have given up this horse-riding thing a long time ago. Well, it's been nice while it lasted...". I was really frustrated with myself and quite a bit discouraged with this whole dressage endeavour...

But at the end of the class, Cynthia asked me if I minded letting her ride Meeka for a few minutes. I felt she wanted to validate something. And much to my surprise, this wonderful coach and tremendous rider could barely get Meeka's attention and obedience and she was not gratified with haunches in either. Cynthia even felt the need to apologize for the fact that I had to ride Meeka in such an uncooperative state of mind for the whole lesson (at which time I told her this was part of the game and of my learning curve, no apologies required whatsoever).

So guess what: I have learned much more than just the aids for haunches-in that day... The personal personal aspect of the lesson was twofold: First of all, I should never let one little difficulty - that can be caused by so many things other than by a possible lack of talent - affect my self confidence this way. Horse and rider are a team and if one of the two is not in the mood for training, performance is affected for the both of them and it's NORMAL. And this one I need to apply to life in general. Duly noted.

Secondly, I should relinquish that constant need to be outstanding. There were no judges that day, there was no reason for me to be so harsh on myself aside from my lifelong quest for "perfection on first attempt". Next time around, I want to stay in the present moment and try to enjoy the ride without being so demanding of myself. I need to give me the right to be an average rider that truly enjoys her sport instead of trying to be the best rider constantly criticizing myself for any flaw in my technique or in my achievements. 

This is supposed to be fun, isn't it? Unless somebody tells me I'm to participate to the next Olympic Games or something, it needs to remain about fun. Until then, I'll check the criticism in the car before I enter the barn and enjoy renewing with the pleasure of bathing in the musky and welcoming smell of my equine friends and be grateful for the joy they have brought me, and keep bringing me, one ride after another.

Six (now very public) things about me

First of all, thanks again to those of you who took the time to let me know where you came from and why you were reading my blog. It's nice to know your story, it gives me a sense of purpose and I found it very motivating. Please keep on commenting and telling me what you like about this blog so I can write more of the stuff you enjoy. 

Ok now: Solitairemare has invited me to parttake in the "Six things about me" game and I've accepted the challenge. The rules are as follows:

Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Write six random things about yourself.
Tag six people at the end of your post.
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Let the tagger know your entry is up. 

So here's my take on six things that make me who I am, with some of them that make me prouder than others... Allright then, here I go:

1. I am totally infatuated with my car. It's now old and battered but it is so many things to me: 
   
   
   • A sportsgear backstore (with the trunk full of my son's football stuff plus foldable chairs - because I fear cold steel bleachers when fall comes - , horse grooming equipment, a backpack full of crops and gloves and even a slkeeping bag that never got out of the car after a trip to Mt Washington. Never any place for groceries...)
     
     
   • An extension to my handbag (backseat is cluttered with clothing, papers, shoes, so much so that my eldest decided he was old enough to ride in the front...)
     
     
   • A boombox. Not that I have an expensive car or anything, but living in an appartment is difficult for somebody as passionate about music as I am. So if you ride with me and don't like loud music, be sure to bring earplugs!
     
     
   • And last but not least: my freedom
     
     
2. On sunday mornings, I like to make crepes for my sons. These french "crêpes" are actually very thin pancakes that you can flip, fold in two, in four, or make into a cigar shaped roll or hand roll. I usually make about 30 (takes quite a long time) but they are thin as a sheet of paper. And then we garnish them with a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g we can think about, it's like a game of who's going to be the most creative. Our favorite: plain with butter and a sprinkle of brown sugar, rolled into a cigar. Yummy!!!
   
   
3. I speak a total four languages. I am a FRENCH canadian who learned ENGLISH in school (and by watching "Three's company" AFTER school). And since I traveled regularly to the caribbeans (it was the cheapest vacation option for me, can you believe it?) I decided I needed to learn SPANISH which I did in about a year by reading books, watching movies and going through one self-teaching exercicse book after another. Then when the challenge ofspanish wore out, I undertook ITALIAN, which was fairly easy to learn since I already had two other latin languages under control. So now, I'm just the perfect travel companion!
   
   
4. I just turned 40 this summer and think it's FABULOUS. You know so much more about yourself, about what you want and what you absolutely will not tolerate anymore, I love that sense of empowerement and clarity. I really feel like it's a new beginning for me and that the best IS yet to come.
   
   
5. I have had numerous discussions with my sons about eventually going to live in another country for a couple of years. I believe that would be tremendous education for them as it would infuse them with another totally different culture and broaden their horizons. This planet is now a small village, it cannot be all about a global economy, it has to be about being a more open human being.
   
   
6. Since I do not own a horse, I sometimes feel like a spoiled brat when I get to the barn: I just go there, groom Meeka, ride her for an hour with someone telling me exactly what to do and when to do it, then I groom her again, feed her a carrot or two and go back to my little life like there was nothing more about it than that. I know that caring for a horse is so much responsibility, so much worry, so  much investment in terms of time and money that I sometimes feel guilty to just come in and ride and then leave. I don't get to learn anything that way about what caring for a horse on a daily basis feels like. That's why I enjoy reading everyone's blogs, it's my only source of knowledge beyond what I get to do in a weekly class. Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.

OK now, I know I'm supposed to tag someone here, but I really am in a hurry. Tags will have to come later, I want to choose carefully.

How small can this planet be?

Hey everyone!

I don't know if this complies with the current netiquette, but I just have to ask... I am soooooo curious!

As many of you, blogging is now part of my life and so part of my daily e-routine. You know the drill: power on, personal email, business email, facebook, local newspaper, agenda, blog, power off & go to work, kinda thing. But I must admit that recently, the part of it I was looking forward to the most was consulting the traffic feed on my blog. It's just amazing! People from Italy, Greece, U.S.A., Sweden, Lebanon, Israel, and of course fellow canadians visit my blog regularly. I am very grateful for your interest and I must admit that I am dying to ask: who are you guys???

So on your next visit, please do leave a comment and tell me a little about you and why you love riding so much. Also please tell me about your blog so that I too can pay you a visit once in a while. Let's make this a community, let's get to know one another and discuss, we already know we have lots in common!

Ok. That was it. I'm stopping here 'cause I'm just going to have to write "I have a dream..." here, but this bit has already been done.  ;-)

Cheers, you horse lovers from all over the place!

A horse of a different colour

Meeka was grazing outside on the hill when I got to the stable this morning. That was a hint: I'm not going to ride her today... At first, that's always a disappointment, because even if she is not mine, I grew very fond of her over the past few months. But every time I rode another of the school horses, I learned something different.  Some I enjoy riding more than others, but overall, they all are great, even tempered horses that will cooperate with me even if my aids are sometimes far from clear. 

So I got to ride Faïtas. He's a sweet chestnut with the softest coat ever.  This week's lesson was mostly practise for previously learned skills (figures of 8 to learn about swapping the aids' sides for proper bending on the two circles, half-volte with outside aids, extension and collection of the trot...), and I must admit, one of the best cardio workous I ever got. 

Why? Faïtas had something on his mind that had nothing to do with me, but a lot to do with the hay he had eaten the day before. His efforts to get rid of that annoying problem were vain for most of the lesson, making me have to work twice as hard to get him to pay attention to the tasks at hand. And what a relief (for the both of us actually) when mother nature finally took it's course...

But enough said aboud poor Faïtas intestines. 

I made the mistake of riding Faïtas just as I would have Meeka: she needs to be ridden with relatively harsh hands. Whereas Faïtas, who wears (or so I was told) a harsher bit, does not do well with such forceful manoeuvers. As soon as Cynthia suggested using more legs to balance out my aids better, everything seemed to go much smoother. More legs always seem to do the trick for me. First thing I should always try: like rebooting my PC when it goes crazy...

Faïtas also did something Meeka never tried with me: s-t-a-l-l. What a surprise to feel him evade by sneaking back to the barn, or suddenly stopping and walking backwards or even sideways (at which point I heard Cynthia’s tease: “great leg yields Marie!”) to lean on the arena's wall as if to say "You know what? I think I'll just stay here for a while, you go ahead, I'll watch..." How clever but how conspicuous... This called for my new secret weapon, the infamous kick... I still hate it, but it certainly works.

So point taken: if horses are all from the equus caballus species they are still in essence very different from one another and that their tempers differ greatly as well as their willingness to cooperate. It was nice to get to know Faïtas a little better, and to learn that you need to approach and ride every horse in accordance to his own type, tack, personality AND pay attention to his bodily functions...

Learning to kick some butt

This is a tricky subject for me as I really have a hard time being strict with Meeka (or any other horse for that matter). Therefore she keeps winning argument after argument - figuratively speaking - thus considerably slowing down our progress. Coach says I'm too sweet with her. But my recent experience, and something I read yesterday, made me wonder if I should not reconsider and try to be more assertive (read: dominant) around her and other horses.

Yesterday, I read in a magazine that "horses are neither buddies nor toys". This seems a bit obvious, but still, it resonated within me. Rest assured I'm not one to spend hours and hours washing, combing and braiding a horse just for the "fun" of it, so I get the "it's not a toy" part. I really get that if I had an incredible urge to braid a mane, I'd go fetch myself a 'My Little Pony" figurine and I'd be all set. But with regards to this "being a buddy" concept... Aren't we supposed to be???

Well, it seems not. At least not in these terms. Although I do not deny the development of a great partnership is not only possible but necessary, I'm starting to understand that someone has to be the leader of the dance and that this leader should really be me. But to lead, you first and foremost need to accept and embrace that responsibility, even if it means that sometimes, you're not going to be very popular. But you accept to make that sacrifice, both for yourself and for the welfare of the horse you are educating. 

Then, you need to show the necessary authority, and it's not always easy to define when you should be suggesting, when you should be clearly asking and when you should be forcefully demanding. At least not when you are still a beginner. I had read about the progression of the aids, but it's one thing to read about something, and something else to do it on horse that's much more clever than you can ever imagine.

On Monday when we worked on reversing the aids on the leg yield (to make these awfully elegant zigzags - for lack of a better word) Meeka decided she would only cross her legs to the left. No matter how much I would try to push her shoulders and hinds to the right, she would not do it. And then I clicked: I've indicated what I wanted by using the correct aids, it didn't work. I've used more severe hands and pushed harder with my leg, she still would not comply. So on my next attempt, much to my surprise (honestly, I did not see this coming) and for the first time ever, I extended my left leg and gave her a good kick. This is VERY unlike me, I am all about politeness and courtesy, all about diplomacy and finesse. But this kick in the butt was way more effective than any of the aforementioned techniques to complete a successful leg yield. It was what I needed to do to tell her "I like you a lot, but I'm the one in charge here." You should have seen the rest of the lesson...

**Half an hour later**

I just hung up with my son's English teacher. Crap! It now seems I have some tough love to dispense my son's way too... No kicking though, I promise!

Please do leave a comment on how you learned how to be the leader of the pair. Did it come to you naturally or did you have to overcome your sweet intrinsic nature?

My (aching) body of knowledge

Every week, during my riding lesson, I can't avoid blurting out the same silly thing at one point or another: "Well, Meeka's definitely not a car." I'm so perceptive, aren't I? Of course I am always referring to what I'll call "steering" for comparison purposes. 

Our beloved coaches all start by teaching us the most basic of rein aids. Still, the plain direct rein turn to the right, or left for that matter, just leaves you speechless when you feel your horse change direction without you turning any handlebars or wheel  (thus my recurrent car analogy). Then comes the blessed day in which you understand that the direct rein turn is not like steering the wheel at all, it's actually more like turning on a flasher to indicate which way you wish to go.  

And it's safe to say that you've gotten that incredible insight because comes a point in the process of learning to ride when you HAVE to start using your body to communicate with your horse. Just try a shoulder in or a leg yield with that wonder-making direct rein. Result: nada. Try halting a 1500 pounds horse on an extended trot by pulling as hard as you can on those oh! so magical reins and see what happens... You got it: nothing too elegant. So comes a point when the reins are still very convenient, but kind of take the backstage when it comes to controlling your horse's actions.

A good example of that is a simple exercise we worked on this week. I simply had to go over 5 closely set poles: in suspension over the first 2, halt before the center one then quickly resume the trot and suspension over the next 2 ones. No problem, I'm already thinking I am going to nail this on my first attempt and get the "you're-the-best-rookie-rider-ever award" from my coach. 

Well... not!

On my first pass over the bars, I thought I should try with a super-collected horse. To have more control, you know? But it turns out you can't really trot in suspension with a highly collected horse since you have to release the reins at some point in time to reach for your neck support point. I know, I tried... And once the reins were released, along with all that built up energy, it proved impossible to stop Meeka before the center pole. I pulled as hard as I could (I know... poor Meeka) and she eventually stopped, but way after the pole, all crooked, disorganized and leaning heavily on her hindquarters. Again, nothing too graceful...

Mourning my lost award, I gave it another try (a few other tries actually, but let's cut to the chase). My coach suggested I put Meeka on a very relaxed & controlled trot, using the trick I had learned last week (with horse adjusting to MY gait...) which I did, and then trotted in suspension over the 2 first bar, my own body relaxed as well, trying to maintain a steady rhythm. So far so good. Then, all of a sudden, I stiffened ALL the muscles I could think of between the top of my eyebrows and the sole of my paddocks, then g-e-n-t-l-y pulled on the reins. Results: a clean, square, well-balanced halt, a good 2 feet BEFORE the center pole! When are the next summer Olympics again??? 

So to come back to what I was saying, the success of this whole thing was entirely a question of using my body efficiently to communicate my intentions to Meeka. Certainly no rein pulling or fancy rein effect could have done it. And that simply amazes me.

It amazes me that a horse WILL feel it if you're scared of anything. And it's not your mind it's reading, it's your rear-end! It's the subtle cues of your seat, your balance, your self-assurance, the fluidity of your body movements, everything! I hope it never ceases to amaze me, honestly. I also hope that week after week, my body gets the hang of this and develops new reflexes - just like the ones it developed that now allow me to put on the flashers, turn the wheel, disengage the clutch, shift, answer my kids who want to know what's for dinner then reengage the clutch BEFORE I even finished turning the corner. 

I also hope it develops a bit more muscle in the meantime, because while this body controlled riding is lots of fun, I now have to say a daily prayer so that I can walk again without the help of anti-inflammatories before my next lesson.

I guess that's a small price to pay for the privilege of such great progress!