This is a tricky subject for me as I really have a hard time being strict with Meeka (or any other horse for that matter). Therefore she keeps winning argument after argument - figuratively speaking - thus considerably slowing down our progress. Coach says I'm too sweet with her. But my recent experience, and something I read yesterday, made me wonder if I should not reconsider and try to be more assertive (read: dominant) around her and other horses.
Yesterday, I read in a magazine that "horses are neither buddies nor toys". This seems a bit obvious, but still, it resonated within me. Rest assured I'm not one to spend hours and hours washing, combing and braiding a horse just for the "fun" of it, so I get the "it's not a toy" part. I really get that if I had an incredible urge to braid a mane, I'd go fetch myself a 'My Little Pony" figurine and I'd be all set. But with regards to this "being a buddy" concept... Aren't we supposed to be???
Well, it seems not. At least not in these terms. Although I do not deny the development of a great partnership is not only possible but necessary, I'm starting to understand that someone has to be the leader of the dance and that this leader should really be me. But to lead, you first and foremost need to accept and embrace that responsibility, even if it means that sometimes, you're not going to be very popular. But you accept to make that sacrifice, both for yourself and for the welfare of the horse you are educating.
Then, you need to show the necessary authority, and it's not always easy to define when you should be suggesting, when you should be clearly asking and when you should be forcefully demanding. At least not when you are still a beginner. I had read about the progression of the aids, but it's one thing to read about something, and something else to do it on horse that's much more clever than you can ever imagine.
On Monday when we worked on reversing the aids on the leg yield (to make these awfully elegant zigzags - for lack of a better word) Meeka decided she would only cross her legs to the left. No matter how much I would try to push her shoulders and hinds to the right, she would not do it. And then I clicked: I've indicated what I wanted by using the correct aids, it didn't work. I've used more severe hands and pushed harder with my leg, she still would not comply. So on my next attempt, much to my surprise (honestly, I did not see this coming) and for the first time ever, I extended my left leg and gave her a good kick. This is VERY unlike me, I am all about politeness and courtesy, all about diplomacy and finesse. But this kick in the butt was way more effective than any of the aforementioned techniques to complete a successful leg yield. It was what I needed to do to tell her "I like you a lot, but I'm the one in charge here." You should have seen the rest of the lesson...
**Half an hour later**
I just hung up with my son's English teacher. Crap! It now seems I have some tough love to dispense my son's way too... No kicking though, I promise!
Please do leave a comment on how you learned how to be the leader of the pair. Did it come to you naturally or did you have to overcome your sweet intrinsic nature?
3 comments:
OHHh tough question. I think I spent so long working on ground manners in the begining that we laid a strong foundation. I will say that each horse has a very distinct personality and you as the leader must learn the correct way to communicate with each horse. What I do with Abu I cannot do with Tonka. I do think there is a certain level of relationship and trust that evolves over time, however you are the herd leader. I did very early work with Abu in the round pen -lots of getting him to "hook on". I also made personal space very important. You can do that several ways, but a punishment should be swift and then forgotten and they should never be made from a place of anger, more of just saying- that is not ok. I may be different where I think you dont own Meeka, but lease her. When its your own horse and you see them 7 days a week it is much easier to become "lead mare". If you dont have respect and control on the ground you will never have it in the saddle. In my personal riding I have a very strict rule I stick to. When asking the horse to do anything I 1.Apply the aid as softly as possible, more just try to think it into happening, and I give him ample time respond. 2. I ask with meaning and give a bit less time to respond. 3.I demand and this usually only takes a few tries and Booster is right on board with the program. Now as soon as I get the desired results I praise and let him know he did the right thing. When learning something new I praise for even the smallest effort and attempt.
Whew sorry I got so long winded there.
Oh Jewel! Your intervention is much appreciated as I've always believed life is too short to try and learn all things by trial and error. So tapping into a seasoned rider's experience is priceless. I do thank you for your comment and your advice!
Oh! And you also confirm my coach's credo which seems to be like your own: wish for it, ask for it then demand it... It makes me think of Nuno Oliveira's famous words: Ask often, require very little and praise a lot (which by the way, does not work with 9 year old boys, I know, I tried...).
Also thank you for reminding me that each horse is different and a rider needs to adjust to each personality. Horsemanship really is an endless, and fascinating, learning project, isn't it?
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