Jumping mental barriers on the flat

Well, well... I don't know if it was the pain killers buzz or what, but today was a great class. Not only did I succeed SOME haunches in (Cynthia told me to forget about the bending, so I didn't have to try to conceal anything...Phooey!) and I believe Meeka and I jumped over an important mental barrier. 

Class today was more of the same: putting her on the bit, serpentines, shoulder in, haunches in and then canter. Since I have improved **considerably** on the canter (bear with my gloating please, it's a new skill I'm trying to learn), mostly because I have gained so much confidence lately, I am now allowed to canter all around the arena instead of staying on the circle. So there was finally new territory for me to explore today, even if I thought all would be under control since I was now a self-proclaimed "Master of the Circle". But hey, If horses had sleeves, they'd constantly pull new stunts out of them, woudn't they? They certainly keep you on your toes (as long as the heels are down...who's complaining really?)

I guess I had not been assertive enough during the class, Meeka must have felt she could basically do whatever she wanted because while cantering on the long side of the arena, she decided she'd cut through and double instead of obeying my desperate attemps to keep her on the track. First time around, I was really surprised. It felt like if I had a blowout on my car...

Mistake #1: I cooly walked her back to the track. She got what she wanted: not to canter.

Meeka: 1 - Me: 0. 

Then we went at it again. On the same wall, at the very same spot, she cut again! Now proactively coached through this by Cynthia, I had to have a little fight with Meeka (NO, you're not going to walk, crop,  NO you're not going that way, crop crop, and YES, you're going back on the track NOW, crop, to resume canter). To me it totally felt like rodeo. It was nothing of the sort, of course, she remained totally calm through all of this, but it was my very fist real struggle for power in a saddle, so yikes!. Sounds good? Well, I now know it was too little too late. 

Mistake #2: I should have known this was going to happen and prevent it with firmer aids in the first place.

Meeka: 2 - Me: 0. 

At that point in time, I told Cynthia I had been scared a little (how about that for an understatement?) so she called me to come close, explained how I should really act BEFORE Meeka even thinks about pulling another one of these unexpected self-steering initiatives. And she chatted, and explained, and explained again, so much so that Meeka and I figured class was over and we could both get out of this and go back to the barn for some tasty hay and/or the car for some well deserved heat! (Darn it was cold in that barn today!!!)

But were we wrong!!! Coach had tricked us into relaxing, forgetting about the fight we were in, thinking this was all over but NOT! She asked for us to get out of our chit chat induced semi-comatose state (I believe she referred to it as "parking mode") and go for another turn of canter: same hand, same wall, same unfinished battle, same terrified rider aboard. You should have heard the sirens going on in my head. I was scared to death because I new if I did not succeed, Meeka would, again, make a sharp turn, accelerate, and I would get that dreaded "total loss of control" feeling.

So back on track we were and I finally did succeed. It felt like I was trying to get her to hit the wall but it seemed that for today, it was just enough to keep her straight. Yeah! I'm very proud of what I did (overcoming the fear mostly). 

Meeka:2 - Me: Happy.

What? No reins???

Indeed my friends, today my teacher decided to make a huge knot out of my reins and told me I couldn't touch anything BUT the knot. No steering, no brakes, no hanging on to my horse's mouth for dear life, nothing! This could prove one of two things: she absolutely doesn't read this blog and is oblivious to the fact I am terrorized, or on the contrary, she reads it inconspicuously, saw yesterday's bit about fear and decided to play a nasty trick on me (of the very efficient kind, I must admit).

So there I was, trotting in a circle, with a knot both in by hands AND in my stomach, instructed to lengthen and collect the trot solely with the use of subtle cues from my body... Would you like some hash browns with that coach??? But even if I'm sounding a bit frustrated here, in fact It brought out all the determination I had mustered writing here yesterday and I willingly accepted to try the exercise... not that I had much choice mind you... 

I tried but at first I had no control whatsoever on my mount, neither in terms of direction nor in terms of length/collection. It was disastrous. Then, Cynthia told me that one sentence that really triggered something (she always has a very good one-two-punch up her sleeve): there is one very important rule that is well known in the dressage arena, the horse should be following YOUR gait, not the other way around. Really? How could that be? All right then, let me try... 

So after lengthening the trot on the long side of the ring (easy, no steering involved), on the short side, where I was instructed to collect, I locked my pelvis, tightened those abs and started to post the trot at a slower gait than Meeka. It felt awkward at first as I kept hitting the saddle, but after two or three beats, she actually adjusted to MY gait. It was (to me at least) nothing short of a miracle! And soooo much easier than the usual tug-of-war between my hands and her mouth! I could have asked my coach in marriage had she not been... a "she".

And after fifteen minutes this exercise, I was riding with the knot in one hand, the other relaxed on my thigh, sitting the trot like a champ... who would have thought this possible from me? Well, SHE obviously did because she actually had a plan: relax me for the next exercise in line, you got it, CANTER! 

Full of my newly found confidence and sitting on my super-collected horse (I must say Meeka was top-shape today), I started to canter. She had asked me to remain as relaxed as possible and to make a down transition to trot if I felt myself stiffen the least bit, in order for my brain to stop associating canter with something terrifying. Well, good idea. And everything went just fine: I breathed like I said I would, I relaxed like I said I would, I refrained from singing like I said I would, and where I used to canter three of four beats then panic and brake, now I cantered two or three circles at a time without stiffening. My down transitions were better as well. Hey y'all! I just might be getting somewhere!

Praise the Lord for great coaches!

Horse riding: conquering the fear

Today I briefly spoke to a friend whom, after pondering for a while, finally took up riding. Good show! But she was just back from her dreaded first lesson and she had been scared out of her wits... Remember your first lesson? This memory may be more vivid for those of you who took up horse riding as an adult, but it’s certainly no ordinary feat to climb onto the beast – or so we see it – for the very first time. You have absolutely no idea what to expect. And before the next lesson comes, another problem can arise... now you do know what to expect! So fear creeps in, slowly but surely, especially after that first plunge / mouthful of dirt (yes, let’s call it dirt just to keep things palatable here...). 

As a beginner (it’s been a year, do I still qualify?) my nerves still get all topsy-turvy before a ride. Of course, this transfers right to horsey and we both are a mess even before lesson begins. But what to do??? Last week my coach suggested I sang some silly cartoon theme song – anyone for Caillou ? – while I cantered, just to keep my mind off of falling. And even if it did make for a hilarious moment, I decided right then I needed to come up with something else if I wanted to avoid scorching her ears again in the future.

A quick e-mail exchange with a fellow horse lover, who by the way sent me very inspirational documentation and provided kind words of encouragements (thanks again “20 meter circle of life”!), got me thinking: I need a routine to get me into the groove of things, a credo, something to ensure I am ready to face the challenge of learning these new skills without getting all tense and anxious!

So here’s my prep plan for tomorrow’s lesson (inspired in part by Jane Savoie’s works). I’m going to:

1. Visualize a great ride: concentrating on my current challenges i.e. mounting block issue because horse starts trotting uninvitedly with rider – yours truly –  barely balanced atop, jerky or harsh hands compensating for lack of legs, down transition from canter and... err...the infamous canter issue, of course.)
   
   
2. Leave the “what ifs” at home: Fear can be a good thing, but recently, it’s been too much of a good thing. I still want to be careful on and around horses, but my being scared is definitely holding me back in my progression now. So I’m going to stop wondering about “what if I fall?” and “what if she hits the breaks?” and try to be in the present moment. You got it! I am bringing Eckard Tolle at the stables tomorrow!
   
   
3. Embrace fear as a good sign: See, I could have chosen to spend these precious hours of my life watching some pointless daytime drama on TV. But did I? No. Because a year ago I chose to push my personal envelope and hop on a horse to grow some self-esteem. Has it been working? Absolutely. And fear is nothing but a most welcome symptom that the stuff is STILL growing. It is a symptom that I am continuously stepping out of my comfort zone and therefore it should be welcomed if I want to be the least bit coherent with my decision. Right? 
   Right...
   
   
4. Review any technical question I might have with coach prior to lesson: I thought little reminders of what I need to be working on for the lesson could help me get more focused and determined. Dressage is very technical and as you all know, requires a lot of independence of the aids. But how difficult!!! This hands (left and right) and legs (again, left and right) independence thing is even more difficult to me than when I used to play Bach on the piano – with melody and accompaniment changing constantly from the right hand to the left and then back. At least my legs weren’t involved then! So if I review the technical stuff before mounting, I think I might be more concentrated, maybe I'll finally-get-it-this-time, and I hope I then succeed in bringing some of this newly gained wisdom with me in the saddle and throughout the lesson...And finally:
   
   
5. Breathe... Breathe.... and Breathe...
   

Experienced riders out there, have you got any other tips for me?