Jumping mental barriers on the flat

Well, well... I don't know if it was the pain killers buzz or what, but today was a great class. Not only did I succeed SOME haunches in (Cynthia told me to forget about the bending, so I didn't have to try to conceal anything...Phooey!) and I believe Meeka and I jumped over an important mental barrier. 

Class today was more of the same: putting her on the bit, serpentines, shoulder in, haunches in and then canter. Since I have improved **considerably** on the canter (bear with my gloating please, it's a new skill I'm trying to learn), mostly because I have gained so much confidence lately, I am now allowed to canter all around the arena instead of staying on the circle. So there was finally new territory for me to explore today, even if I thought all would be under control since I was now a self-proclaimed "Master of the Circle". But hey, If horses had sleeves, they'd constantly pull new stunts out of them, woudn't they? They certainly keep you on your toes (as long as the heels are down...who's complaining really?)

I guess I had not been assertive enough during the class, Meeka must have felt she could basically do whatever she wanted because while cantering on the long side of the arena, she decided she'd cut through and double instead of obeying my desperate attemps to keep her on the track. First time around, I was really surprised. It felt like if I had a blowout on my car...

Mistake #1: I cooly walked her back to the track. She got what she wanted: not to canter.

Meeka: 1 - Me: 0. 

Then we went at it again. On the same wall, at the very same spot, she cut again! Now proactively coached through this by Cynthia, I had to have a little fight with Meeka (NO, you're not going to walk, crop,  NO you're not going that way, crop crop, and YES, you're going back on the track NOW, crop, to resume canter). To me it totally felt like rodeo. It was nothing of the sort, of course, she remained totally calm through all of this, but it was my very fist real struggle for power in a saddle, so yikes!. Sounds good? Well, I now know it was too little too late. 

Mistake #2: I should have known this was going to happen and prevent it with firmer aids in the first place.

Meeka: 2 - Me: 0. 

At that point in time, I told Cynthia I had been scared a little (how about that for an understatement?) so she called me to come close, explained how I should really act BEFORE Meeka even thinks about pulling another one of these unexpected self-steering initiatives. And she chatted, and explained, and explained again, so much so that Meeka and I figured class was over and we could both get out of this and go back to the barn for some tasty hay and/or the car for some well deserved heat! (Darn it was cold in that barn today!!!)

But were we wrong!!! Coach had tricked us into relaxing, forgetting about the fight we were in, thinking this was all over but NOT! She asked for us to get out of our chit chat induced semi-comatose state (I believe she referred to it as "parking mode") and go for another turn of canter: same hand, same wall, same unfinished battle, same terrified rider aboard. You should have heard the sirens going on in my head. I was scared to death because I new if I did not succeed, Meeka would, again, make a sharp turn, accelerate, and I would get that dreaded "total loss of control" feeling.

So back on track we were and I finally did succeed. It felt like I was trying to get her to hit the wall but it seemed that for today, it was just enough to keep her straight. Yeah! I'm very proud of what I did (overcoming the fear mostly). 

Meeka:2 - Me: Happy.

My achilles tendon is letting me down...

I have a lesson today and my foot hurts like hell. I haven't told you this but about a year and a half ago I had a stupid, stupid accident while washing a window that left a 2" scar on the skin of my Achilles tendon. The window I was washing was out of it's track, it was blown by the wind and fell on my head. It then exploded in a thousand pieces, one of them still large enough to slide along my back and land on my Achilles tendon, slicing the skin open (not the tendon itself though, lucky me). 

Since then, I've struggled with a limp in the morning and some on and off pain. And this pain doesn't seem to be going anywhere, in fact, it's seems to be getting worse. It now extends down to my heel and it really hurts as soon as I put my foot down. And today, it's snowing like crazy in permafrost land, and I don't know if it's even related, but the pain is worse than ever. So bad that I'm even considering not going to my lesson because stretching this thing surely will not make it better. 

Darn... What to do???

Then again, maybe it WAS me...

Meeka was as cool as a cucumber. It wasn't lunchtime, it wasn't too cold, it wasn't farrier fest, there was absolutely no reason for her not to be on her best behaviour. And so she was, and I was inconspicuously celebrating the great lesson I was gonna have, thinking that it would be a breeze and that I could regain some of my lost confidence. Unfortunately I was in, yet again, for a lesson in humility.

She was on the leg, attentive. Trot trot trot... Shoulder in started as a bit difficult but Cynthia quickly reminded me I only needed to keep her bended after the short sides corners and then it became almost too easy. Trot trot trot... So we went back to haunches in. I was brimming with confidence with Meeka in such a great relaxed mood so I went for it full throttle. 

**Sigh**

I must admit, this time around, it was definitely me. There seems to be someting that doesn't compute in my brain when it comes to outside reins. Cynthia kept telling me I was using too much inside rein (to bend her) compared to the outside one, and that it should actually be the contrary. At that moment I think I had a brain cramp because I heard some sort of a crackle and a definite pop inside my riding cap. I could't understand a word of what Cynthia was trying to explain, I was too busy thinking that this didn't make any sense to me. I think she got a hint when she saw the dazed look in my eyes, because she suggested we cantered a little (for those of you who knew me back then, you should see me now!!!) and Meeka and I immediatly remembered this was supposed to be fun... Right Dea?

So I decided to leave the dust to settle for a couple of days and I think I get it now. If any of you think I am mistaken, please tell me what you think. Here's my take on my complete insuccess with haunches in, Meeka's mood not being an impediment like last week:

In fact, I think that since my inside leg may not have been strong enough at the girth, there was no tension in my outside rein. So I pulled a little more with the inside rain in order to get some semblance of a bend. But then this inside hand, that recieved no counter resistance from the right, got to be very harsh. At that point, Meeka was definitely over-bended and got p-r-e-t-t-y exasperated from the fact she was trying to give me what I wanted, and I kept pulling at her mouth because I had no idea of what was happening whatsoever. 

Now if I understand better: more inside leg, use newly created tension in outside rein to hold shoulders in place (so we don't hit the wall), slight bend of the nose towards the inside with the inside rein (oh! so soflty) and slight push with outside leg towards haunches to get the now infamous "banana shape" that's expected of me and Meeka. Is that it???

Anyway, I gave in to popular reccomendations and finally ordered the Kyra Kyrklund dressage manual. Holidays reading par excellence. So between her and Cynthia, if I STILL don't get it, I certainly AM the one with the biggest challenge...